The Load Of A "Stay At Home Mom"

I'M SURE YOU'RE WONDERING... "how on earth is there a LOAD of being a stay at home mom?" often us stay at home moms get judged instantly because most people think that its literally the easiest thing to do. i mean after all.... WE'RE home right? WE don't have an actual "job". and on top of that you get to have fun with your kid. SO WHEN YOU MENTION THAT, I'M SURE THAT SOUNDS LIKE A WALK IN THE PARK....

so yes. being home with my baby is amazing. we do A LOT OF fun things together daily. another thing - i don't have to worry about having to find someone to watch him (daycares scare me more and more everyday) so i know he is at home, safe with me. but.. on the other hand being a stay at home mom you tend to juggle QUITE a lot.

the feeling of needing to justify you actually did something all day. you know how i mentioned earlier about... "not an actual job" and yes, i'm still putting that in quotations because I hate to break it to you but a s-a-h-m is a HUuuuuuuuGE job. and although i don't necessarily have a 9-5 or i'm "actually getting paid".. it's still pretty much a job...

like those never ending house cleaning duties. dishes after dishes. laundry that piles up faster than you can blink your eye. making the bed. throwing out trash. sweeping and moping the floors. keeping the fridge and microwave cleaned. the bathrooms cleaned. and that list goes on and on.

also lets not forget, the cleaning up after your child. i mean you HAVE AN OVERWHELMING AMOUNT of diapers to change. picking up any food from feedings that fell on the floor. trying to keep the room somewhat decent from whatever your child is playing with. and although Graham is not yet a toddler i'm sure the mess only gets even more messier the older they get,

but the chores, it never ends and its exhausting.

one of the hardest parts about being a stay at home mom is often you look around and once the day is over with, you feel like you haven't even accomplished anything. most of the time no one will notice if you went the extra mile and cleaned the house until your hands went raw because the next day it will PRETTY MUCH look the EXACT same as it did before.

another thing - we admire all you amazing moms working so hard outside the home. but we also envy you at the same time. we envy all of the adult conversations you get to have being on your job that we don't get to have because we're stuck home alone. it can get very lonely at times and often we feel extremely isolated and trapped.

honestly, i get so excited once john comes home from work because i finally have someone to talk to. so if you know a stay at home mom, PLEASE make plans with them. whatever it takes make sure that plan happens to get her out of the house (even though we may instantly miss our baby as soon as leave) we will FINALLY have that moment take a breather AND JUST HAVE A LOT OF WEIGHT OFF OUR BACKS FOR A BIT.

i know i'm not the only mom who has also struggled with her identity. (this is for all moms) its like we lose sight of our selves before we had our baby. we get so caught up in caring for everyone else that it get way too easy to forget about who you once were before. and YOU tend to push aside who you still want to be,

singing in the choir at church, doing weddings & things like that led me to have this dream of being in an actual band SOMEDAY. before the pandemic started i finally got a taste of that and it was seriously such an amazing feeling. being on stage i had this UNEXPLAINABLE stage high and ALL I wanted MORE WAS TO HAVE THAT FEELING FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. cOME TO THINK OF IT THAT WAS PROBABLY THE LAST TIME I TRULY FELT LIKE MYSELF.. DOING WHAT I LOVED DOING THE MOST.... SINGING. and i'm not at all trying to say that i don't enjoy being a mom because i really do. I'm extremely proud and blessed by that title. but there's times where I feel like... is that all to my life now? just cleaning and taking care of my baby?

we also tend to struggle a lot with mom guilt. guilty that we're not earning an income. guilt because we feel like we have to do EVEN more because we don't earn any income so if we don't do more to make up for it than we feel like we're falling short.

there's so much more I didn't mention... LIKE being basically a teacher to them. making sure theY'RE getTING baths & WASHING their hair. breastfeeding, pumping and storing milk or if you don't breastfeed.. making bottles and cleaning them. HAVING TO DEAL WITH TEETHING FUSSY DAYS OR DAYS WHERE THEY SIMPLY JUST WANT ALL OF YOUR ATTENTION NO MATTER WHAT AND IF YOU WONDER OFF JUST FOR A SECOND TO DO SOMETHING THEY SCREAM THEIR LITTLE HEADS OFF..

there''s no "vacation" or "sick leave days" you simply wake up In the morning and your job is done once you finally close your eyes at night.

through it all. being a stay at home mom may be a mentally and physically exhausting job with long hours and no pay but when the mental load threatens my sanity I remember, that I'm blessed and fortunate to be able to be home all the time with my baby. thanks to my fiancé WORKING HARD, I'M ENJOYING ALL THE SNUGGLES WHILE I STILL CAN. I GET TO WITNESS all of his firsts. first steps, first words, the time when he will no longer wear diapers and have to switch to underwear. WHILE DEVELOPING HIS OWN INDEPENDENCE. WHICH iS all both beautiful yet heartbreaking to watch. but I'LL BE proud, while inside yearning for him to be little forever.